cruelsummer
10-20-2004, 08:49 AM
Hi to all! I may have a little longer story, but I just wish that you take a little time reading this. You can call me Joe.
I was married with one kid, got separated from family to work in another country after a couple of years. Then finally got separated after a flickering communication and a tough battle with saving the last spark of hope in keeping the relationship with my wife after some more years. Had a couple of relationships then that did not last long, last one being really seriously madly .....whatever.... have tried traveling, have gotten busy with work, met new friends, met with a lot of people, have fallin' in and fallin' out of love....
Well, am a little teary-eyed, to be honest, while writing this one as emotions started pouring, am so emotional I guess. I have been contemplating about my life, being empty for most of the time. There must be something missing, there must be something that I want to do or something that I want to have but not certain about it. Guess, it has to do with moving on with my life....for which direction... I guess, I don't know.
Last time I had a serious relationship was a year ago which really had torn me apart, smashed my heart, shattered all my dreams and left me so very disenchanted. I never tried since then cuz til now I could still feel the pain, it's terribly... ugh... painful. Problem with me is that I always cling to things that I should have leave behind. Am hard to cope with serious affairs of the heart. I know how to love, I was there and out of there, I give more than I could get. And when I do fall in love, I really fall head-over-heels. Am already mid 30's and am starting to feel that life's running so fast and I always feel empty and so cold and all alone. I've been through all this for the past months and am trying to find some outlet to let it all out. Am exploding inside and I need some comfort. I have friends, who doesn't even know what's inside of me, they only see the cheerful mask, the easy-going-for-all-i-care attitude that I am. I wish that I could talk it out with someone, but am just so chicken-out to talk things personally, especially with friends who would never take it seriously. No-one does.
This is the first time I am writing or joining a forum... and just wishing, that I could find some solace...somehow...
Thanks so much in advance. :o
I was married with one kid, got separated from family to work in another country after a couple of years. Then finally got separated after a flickering communication and a tough battle with saving the last spark of hope in keeping the relationship with my wife after some more years. Had a couple of relationships then that did not last long, last one being really seriously madly .....whatever.... have tried traveling, have gotten busy with work, met new friends, met with a lot of people, have fallin' in and fallin' out of love....
Well, am a little teary-eyed, to be honest, while writing this one as emotions started pouring, am so emotional I guess. I have been contemplating about my life, being empty for most of the time. There must be something missing, there must be something that I want to do or something that I want to have but not certain about it. Guess, it has to do with moving on with my life....for which direction... I guess, I don't know.
Last time I had a serious relationship was a year ago which really had torn me apart, smashed my heart, shattered all my dreams and left me so very disenchanted. I never tried since then cuz til now I could still feel the pain, it's terribly... ugh... painful. Problem with me is that I always cling to things that I should have leave behind. Am hard to cope with serious affairs of the heart. I know how to love, I was there and out of there, I give more than I could get. And when I do fall in love, I really fall head-over-heels. Am already mid 30's and am starting to feel that life's running so fast and I always feel empty and so cold and all alone. I've been through all this for the past months and am trying to find some outlet to let it all out. Am exploding inside and I need some comfort. I have friends, who doesn't even know what's inside of me, they only see the cheerful mask, the easy-going-for-all-i-care attitude that I am. I wish that I could talk it out with someone, but am just so chicken-out to talk things personally, especially with friends who would never take it seriously. No-one does.
This is the first time I am writing or joining a forum... and just wishing, that I could find some solace...somehow...
Thanks so much in advance. :o